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Belong

by Adhamh Roland

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1.
Welcome 02:45
Welcome the doubt, welcome the faith Welcome the love, welcome the hate Welcome the peace, welcome the war I know you can’t leave til you come through that door Chorus: There is no hope There is no fear You’re free to come and go Everything’s welcome here Welcome the stillness, welcome the strong winds When I open up that means I’m letting it all in Welcome the heavens, welcome the hells It’s not where I’m going, it’s here where this heart dwells You come from the beginningless, you go to the beginningless I have nothing to do with this, but I have the choice To welcome you with kindness, welcome you with tenderness Welcome your comings and your goings and your in-betweens
2.
You are not you and you never have been I was dreaming a future and it came and it went And it never was, and it never will be Yes, futures that don’t pass are all that I grieve I’m sorry I built you up so big in my mind, But when this heart gets started it’d like there’s no wasting time And there never was, and there never will be Yes, when this heart stays open, no time’s wasted on me Chorus: But how do I say goodbye, when I never said hello And who are you anyway cuz I never got to know And it never started, so it can’t be over And what are tears when there’s nothing to cry over Well, I am not me and I never have been I’m a dream I awake to every morning And I never was, and I never will be Not that dream in your dream, this dream dreamt I would be We are not an us, and we never have been I was dreaming a future and it came and it went And it never was, and it never will be Yes, futures that don’t pass are all that I grieve And it never was, and it never will be Yes, futures that don’t pass are all that I grieve Yes, futures that don’t pass are all that I grieve
3.
Ours are all stories of triumph Of the good ones coming out on the top Of a protagonist and maybe a sidekick A heroine who cannot be stopped It’s no wonder I wanna be the star of this here myth It’s no wonder I want you think I’m someone who couldn’t possibly exist And oh the pain of wanting to be special And oh to try and measure the immeasurable And oh to try and own the sky with a jar of air And no I am not special, my worthiness lives everywhere I want to know all of your secrets And be different than all of the rest I wanna slip into where no one has been If only to be known as the best It’s no wonder I can’t stop thinking about you incessantly It’s no wonder we take love so damn personally And oh the pain of wanting to be special And of to identify with the ephemeral And oh to try and own the sky with a jar of air And no I am not special, my worthiness lives everywhere I want to be liked and remembered For all the good stuff that I’ve said and done I don’t want to admit that when I take a shit That it stinks just like everyone’s It’s no wonder it’s hard to love the parts of you I don’t love in me It’s no wonder I want you to think I’m someone I couldn’t possibly be And oh the pain of wanting to be special And oh to try and partition the inseparable And oh to try and own the sky with a jar of air And no I am not special, my worthiness lives everywhere
4.
Belong 03:47
I/you/we belong to this/your/our body/bodies I belong to this earth I belong I belong I belong With all of my dignity, all of my worth I belong I belong I belong I belong to this family, to this tree of life I belong I belong I belong There’s nothing no one can do to untie these ties I belong I belong I belong I am not the worst thing that I’ve ever done I’m not the ways I think I might be bothering someone I am not better than, less than or equal People are people
5.
The biggest shame in living Is forgetting I am dying I hate to say it but I wake up sometimes and forget that I am living It’s as if I have already died And I hate to say it but I move through life sometimes In the trance of the living dead It’s as if I am not alive And every step I take from this place I take for granted When I learned you weren’t walking this earth with us That’s when I felt my feet the loudest And every breath I take from this place I take in vein Of each ancestor that made it so Of the violet and the tree frog and the freshly fallen snow And the biggest gift in living Is remembering I am dying To feel the ache of the hardwood To smell the dry dirt to greet the robin
6.
I don’t wanna write a new song I wanna learn the old songs From a time that seems long gone From a land that seems long gone I don’t wanna write a new story I wanna learn the old stories So I got something to share When I’ve got kin upon my knee I don’t wanna write a new one You did what you had to do The horrors that you got through Sacrificed the old songs Sacrificed the stories too Sacrificed the language Sacrifices the old ways Taken from the lands of your births And of our ancestors graves I don’t wanna write a new song It was a cheap bribe I call them sacrifices You spared our lives But not without the price of whiteness I don’t wanna write a new song But how do we explain this To ourselves and to our young And how do we change this Without some ancient wisdom And how do we scratch the surface of the debt To which we owe you And the countless beings who’s suffering We tacitly approve(d) I gotta write a new song I gotta write a new song To heal this amnesia You’re asking me to sing for you You’re asking me to grieve ya Here I am writing a new song Far from being an old bard I’m weaving old and new prayers Casting them to unknown bone yards Here we are writing a new story I still wanna learn the old stories So I got something to share When I’ve got kin upon my knee I gotta write a new song I still wanna learn the old songs From a you that seems long gone From a time that seems long gone I’ve gotta learn the old songs
7.
God sends the wound God is the wound God is wounded God heals the wound -words from an unknown to me Greek healing sect
8.
Ease up the reins on your heart on your heart on your Ease up the reins you’re so hard on your heart Oh baby, oh sweet baby, oh baby you’re okay Oh baby, oh sweet baby, oh baby you’re okay
9.
She likes the yoke and I like the white I’ll meet her in that field beyond wrong and right I’ve made her into something that she can never be I’ve turned her into You when You are everything To do the things that I don’t want but I know are true Are perhaps the bravest things that I cold ever do So higher power hold me and this quivering heart Closeness means nothing when you and I are far apart Chorus Cuz I need a love that’s bigger than love And I need a strength that’s stronger than us I need a faith that can hold the heartache and fear So I’m falling for you Spirit and you’ll take it from here She’s been disappointed and sorry I’ve been But there’s something that knows I’m enough just as I am So I won’t let the shoulds or coulds plague this mind no more I’m just sorry I didn’t let your love in long before There’s still that voice that tells me I’m living for her approval But there’s one that’s getting louder saying I’m ok no matter what I do though What a world to know this deep in myself And that if it’s true for me it must be true for everybody else
10.
Be It 01:46
I’m done talking about it I’d rather live it I’m done believing in it I’d rather be it And when it comes down to it It’s the motion of the ocean It’s not the moon that rocks this boat That’s just the source of its devotion Dooo doo doo I get lost in the words Without the breath that makes em so So busy talking fast ‘Bout how I wanna go slow And when it comes down to it It’s how I meet any moment Not the content but the backdrop Not the wave but the whole ocean Dooo doo doo The thing with singing about it Is that I’m singing The thing with living about it Is that I’m living And no one has to tell you What you already know They just pluck that dusty chord That resounds through your whole soul Dooo doo doo I’m done talking about it I’d rather live it I’m done believing in it I’d rather be it
11.
May I/you look for the beauty, may it look for me May I lean toward the glory, and the reverie/gratitude May the silence come easy May the laughter come strong May the music ring out loud May the music ring out long And when the pain comes around Like its bound to do May I open up to it and let the spirit in too May I wake in the morning May I sleep the night through And to each simple pleasure May I say that will do May I be happy for no reason And for every reason at all May love flow freely With wisdom and awe

credits

released August 5, 2023

Written by Adhamh Roland
Recorded by Johnny Rezvani and Adhamh Roland
Produced by Makayla Monarch
Bass by Andrew Ignacio
Percussion by Ben Lucal
Harp by Sandra Martin-Dent
Harmonies by Katie Loncke, Wren Ganin-Pinto, and Yael Illah
Additional vocals by (ADD NEAMES)

Special thanks to:
Makayla Monarch, Johnny Rezvani, Ben Lucal, Sandra Martin, Andrew Ignacio, Katie Loncke, Yael Ilah Schonzeit, Wren Ganin-Pinto, Rori Rohlfs, Bry Farb, Kasi Cakravartula, Alex Safron, Wei Li King, Ida Poberezovsky, Reed Kolber, Salgu Wissmath, Cat Willet, Elisa Gill, Luba Yusim, Peter Hegel, Simon DeVoil, Te Martin, Jesse Whittle-Utter, Caitlin, Rose, Jo Kent Katz, Rebecca Glenn, Jane Hoeltzel, Greg Hoeltzel, Leticia Fernandez, Amy Friedrich, Lara Mendel, Candace Tkachuck, Sabine Tegura, Lizzie Salsich, Orion Johnstone, Kris Baker, Art Freidrich, Emily Klamer, Joseph Savage, Sam Allen, Shay Kirkendall, Carrie Rehak, Sierra Pickett, Carrie Ferguson, Malika Bouhdili, Leticia Nieto, Gesine Gereke, Rev. Marjorie Matthews, Meg McGuire, Cece McGuire, Weyam Ghadbian, and you

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Adhamh Roland Berkeley, California

“Frighteningly clever and disarmingly heartfelt folksongs” -Examiner.com

Adhamh Roland is a genderqueer visionary activist who sings about resilience, human experience, evolution, interconnectedness and freedom from cycles of violence and oppression. ... more

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